December 3, 2005
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Before I start this entry, one of my hopes is that I will be able to meet up once a day with a person who can tutor me in Korean and also with someone who can help me prepare to teach the children. If you could help me one day with either of these (preparing to teach or learning Korean) one day before I leave, please let me know. Thanks!
I’m going to try and make this shorter then my last entry… I’ll probably fail…
In twenty-six days I will be on a plane headed to
One fear that I constantly have to wrestle with is that I will fail with the children. I don’t know how to teach. I don’t know Korean. I don’t really even know English. And aside from GEM, I have little experience with kids. But this I know… it does not matter how much English I teach, how funny or likeable I am with the kids, or even how much I’m able to communicate. All that matters is that I offer God’s love. That is the only permanent thing. That is all God asks.
And then fear responds with… “How can I love them if I can’t relate to them well? I don’t know them at all and won’t know how to act around them…”
I remember I faced a similar fear before while serving with CCF. During my fourth year I put so much prayer, time, and energy into the freshmen class (F^3). My love and heart for them grew so much. Towards the end of that year I already knew that I would again be freshmen homegroup leader for the next class. I felt like I had just successfully finished a marathon, but was facing yet another before me. Doubt entered my mind… “My heart is with F^3, how can I offer the same heart for the new class with F^3 still there and still needing growth? Will I end up just doing my responsibilities during the homegroup but nothing outside of it?”
And so I did all that I knew I could do… I prayed. I must admit, I had doubts as I prayed, but I wouldn’t let them stop me from asking God for help.
The results? God blew me away. The love in me and around me only grew stronger and more powerful. All my doubts were swept away. My heart for the freshmen grew so much and I was so blessed by them, just as I was with F^3. F^3 continued to grow strong and now I see they fill most of the leadership positions in the fellowship… officers, homegroup leaders, praise team. God is amazing. He is our provider!
Lately I’ve reflected on 1 John 4:19. “We love because God first loved us.” Whatever love that is in us is from God. Apart from God, we cannot love. But with God, love overflows. So, how do we receive this love? Fellowship (being around people who love God) and reading His Word are great helps. But my favorite and I believe the most powerful… prayer. Prayer is you and God. How much closer does it get? I’ve realized that it has been through my times in God’s presence that I have been able to love those around me. I’ve learned that one hour of prayer with one minute of ministry is a million times more powerful than one minute of prayer with one hour of ministry. I’ve seen just a few words of love set people free of the worst chains. Love and prayer. Prayer and love.
God is so awesome. His love is better then anything and everything! Love never fails. And so as I’m confronted with fears and doubts with
Thank you for prayers and encouragement. Thank you most of all for your love. Christ in you, the hope of glory.
F^3 homegroup at my old apartment in 2003…
Alpha Omega at Servants 2004
Song: True Surrender… performed by Martin Smith and the Soul Survivor kids choir
Comments (16)
Such an encouraging entry!
booyahz.
ah jm so that’s how you do it. i always thought it was some awesome will power that you had that made you love everyone and care for all of us even when we were at our worst. man…. its GOD i’m so stupid sometimes ^^ when you’re in God’s presence. DUDE I LOVE GOD I LOVE YOU TOO JM! btw tell me when you’re free and ill come up to nova
p.s. dont worry *HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG!!!!!!*
YOU’VE GOT THIS!!!!!
for someone who “doesn’t know english really well,” i’d have to say that your entry was well written. it’s not about how eloquent you can speak, but as you said, it’s all God’s love. i felt kind of what you felt @ GEM b/c my korean wasn’t as good as Sung’s, but God still used me. you’ve got a big heart, john-michael. let it be used!
you dont know english… *cough* whatever… =P
But yeah, you keep reminding me of why we love eachother in the first place… and that’s so true. His love is just… so amazing. I mean I don’t have a humanly explanation why God loves us, why he provides for us despite all the sins we humans commit… other than He’s God. Anyways, cya Tuesday =P
Love and prayer!
jm, words can’t express how much you’ve blessed me. I know you’re going to do some freaking amazing things in korea. can’t wait to read about them
hey seriously though….we were the better class huh? haha jk
amazing, amazing…how can God not desire to use a heart like yours. For the Kingdom!
1 John 4:19 was the first verse I taught at GEM. How true it is!
As long as you look to God, God’ll fulfill His mission through you.
Amen to the power of prayer!
mm..pictures are worth a thousand words + 1. Good times, and even more are to come
on that glorious day. John Michael, I am happy/excited/rejoiceful/”siked”/encouraged/humbled
on your missions to Korea, I thank God for the victory and success that is a head according
to His will in your life, brother, with Jesus, you already won!!! Those kids will be praising
God in English in no time! haha, and you’ll be praying out loud in Korean(even I can’t do that
and I’m “Korean”, lol).
Tonight, I propped out my bible and this verse opened up, Joshua 1:7-8, and you came to mind
along with this xanga post, God said it first, “…and you will be successful in everything you
do. Study this Book of the Law continually…” there you have it, God says you’re gonna be
successful!! =D God bless you bro!
with love and (victory in Christ)
Sam
I would love to go, but I don’t think I can make it….sigh….hopefully, i can another time.
On another note…
I was recently talking to a sister (who also teaches) about my excitement, anxieties, and worries for teaching Engligh literature to high school juniors professionally during my last semester in college.
She encouraged me to remember that our audience is 1.
We teach for the eyes of ONE.
ONE who fills us up with the Holy Spirit and overflows. =D
::sigh:: i miss those days =)
I miss your dip,
i miss playing taboo with sung for the first time… (not bicycle, not tricycle but… ????)
I miss going to your place early to set up decorations and wat not
JM.. UR AWSOME… i know youll be rockin it in korea as well! go head boy go head get down~~! (changed lyrics from Kayne Wests song Gold Digger)
-VA