October 6, 2011
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The Error of Self-Defensiveness
Something that marriage books (and married people) all tend to warn about is that once you are married you will be living with a mirror that constantly shows your different faults/issues. That basically living with your spouse, whom you have pledged your love to, no longer allows you to hide your character flaws and instead causes them to be plain as day. And now that I am married I can attest that these things are true.
And for me one of my faults that has been revealed right away is my self-defensiveness. I want to be the perfect husband, so when it seems I have done something wrong I am quick to defend myself. For something I haven’t done right I can perhaps find different reasons that explain 70% of why I made the mistake, but of course the different excuses can’t fully cover up everything. And the truth is, if a mistake has made without a complete reason/excuse, then it’s a mistake no matter how many small excuses can be made up.
And what I’ve realized is that my self-defensiveness (and self-defensiveness in general) is rooted in pride and insecurity (which go together). I want to be that perfect husband. So when a fault has apparently been found, in my pride/insecurity I try and defend myself and act like I’m right and that I’m acting just fine. It’s pride.
If I was truly secure with myself, then taking blame for things, whether it’s completely my fault or barely my fault at all, shouldn’t be a big deal. I know who I am. And she knows who I am. So why should I fear admitting wrong? Whether I’m 100% wrong or 1% wrong, there is some wrong to be dealt with. So I shouldn’t let my pride/insecurity block me from dealing with that wrong, getting things right, and moving on stronger.
Proverbs 12:1 – Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
God bless!
