November 10, 2011
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Intimacy’s Greatest Enemy (Good Marriage Prep!)
I was listening to a message Pastor Marcus sent out about intimacy from Gateway Church and his main point resounded with me. “Intimacy’s greatest enemy is insecurity.” He shared that it’s when we are insecure we are unable to believe the love being given to us. And we know we are insecure when we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others rather than being confident and secure in who we are, regardless of others.
Sky and I have only been married for about three months and already this word has been proven time and time. I already blogged about how I’ve learned how self defensive (in other words prideful/insecure) I am since getting married. Both Sky and I have had our insecurities come up, and every time they do were are suddenly unable to to receive or even believe in the love of the other. You would think that since we are married we would be 100% confindent in each others love, but the truth is that whenever an insecurity is revealed suddenly that confidence is gone. We then have to talk things out with often one of us usually frustrated or hurt that the other isn’t receiving or believing the love. Once the insecurity is dealt with we become more close in our love for each other. And it’s when we are most secure that our love is the strongest and the sweetest.
The pastor quoted Proverbs 30:23 how the earth cannot bear, “An unloved woman who is married.” The description seems that it isn’t so much that other people don’t love the woman, but that the woman is unable to receive love. The one woman in the Bible who had this description (the same Hebrew for “unloved” as that verse) was Leah, Jacob’s second wife. Jacob loved Rachel, but did not love Leah. Rachel was beautiful in form and impressed him, whereas Leah was described as having either “tender” or “weak” eyes, depending on the translation. This led to Leah being jealous of her sister and insecure of her standing. Leah was an example of an insecure woman comparing herself to others. It was no wonder her father deceived Jacob into marrying her… no man in his right mind would want to marry an insecure woman who compares herself to others. It only leads to trouble.
I can say a huge advantage to marrying later than sooner is that, if we are willing and open, God can work out many of our insecurities before marriage. That way when we finally make the vows, we are fully secure in love and even when there are miscommunications or people voicing comparison, we have absolutely no concern and are relaxed and confident in our spouse’s love. I can tell how much people are ready for marriage by how secure they are in their identity in Christ and who they are as a person.
And it works with our relationship with God as well. It’s when we are secure in His love for us that we are able to receive His love fully and in turn give it others. It wasn’t until Leah’s 4th son that she became secure in God’s love. She named the 4th son, “Judah,” which means, “Praise,” in praise to God. And it was Judah’s descendants who eventually bore Jesus Christ. In fact, it was Judah from whom we get the name, “Jews” in reference to all the descendants of Jacob. It’s when we are secure that we are able to bear the fullness of God’s blessings in our lives.
May God bless your marriage! =)
