November 24, 2011
-
Choosing Relationship Over Wisdom
An older friend shared with me that recently his 14 year old son approached him and his mom and asked to talk with them. After they sat down his son shared about a girl he had gotten to know and expressed his interests in her. He then asked my friend and his wife if he could date her. My friend’s wife praised their son for being so open and vulnerable with them about his interests. But my friend had to ask his son, “You know our faith is very important to us… is she Christian, or non-Christian?” His son responded, “She isn’t Christian.” Immediately “NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!” ran through my friend’s mind. But just before he could speak again the Holy Spirit spoke, “Your relationship with your son hinges on how you respond.” And so he paused, and then asked his son if they could get back to him the next day.
As my friend prayed about it all he could think of was, “She isn’t Christian, this is a no-brainer… I will not let my son get hurt or make such a mistake… I can’t let him date her.” But then, to his surprise, the Holy Spirit spoke to him clearly and said, “If you really love your son you will show interest in his interests.” To which my friend responded, “Yeah, well, she is a non-Christian! I will show interest when he chooses someone better.” But God continued to press him that true love is showing interest and connecting relationally rather than controlling. And then for emphasis, God showed him a vision of him and his son in ten years if he chooses to disregard his son’s interest and say no… and in the vision he was standing by his son in a formal relationship, not close but as if they were acquaintances…. very little connection between them. The vision shook up my friend. As much as he wanted to make the “wise” decision for his son, he began to understand that connecting with his son is far more important than controlling/sheltering him. God also showed him that his daughters were also watching what was happening with their brother, and so his decision for his son was going to clearly set a precedent for them and would affect how open or closed their hearts would be.
And so the next day he told his son, “You have my permission to date her. And I want you and her to know that she is always welcome at this house to join us for meals or to go on excursions together. I want to get to know her and I want to show care for her as I show care for you.” His son was surprised and thanked his dad. And my friend felt a peace within him as he surrendered the situation to the Lord.
Ironically, when he asked about the girl about a week later, his son responded that they had decided to not date because he felt he was “too young” for a relationship. Funny. =)
My friend’s story challenged me. Truly relating with the youth today is far more important than trying to control them or shelter them. They need connection and people to show them attention. They need people to understand them. It’s good to know that God is over us all and that our prayers are powerful.
God bless!
