February 9, 2012
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The Beauty of Boundaries
Believe it or not, I once enjoyed to flirt and goof around freely with girls. *Gasp* The word flirt almost seems foreign now, because it was about half a lifetime ago (high school). It wasn’t until I entered Virginia Tech that I was awakened to how foolish my behavior was with girls. I was sending all sorts of wrong signals and releasing a lot of confusion and even disgust. As I matured with the Lord I began to establish clearer and clearer boundaries. To be honest, I even went too far at one point and became paranoid about sending ANY signal, and my behavior became unhealthy in the opposite realm. At that point I just seemed cold and distant. I needed help! I needed to find the perfect middle.
My love language is physical touch and so hugs and touching are a big way of how I show love. So this added to my dilemma. The answer came in some good advice and accountability from a couple of church sisters who I confided in. They now, years later, happen to be the head pastor’s wife and the church administrator. Through their advice and some common sense I was able to know the boundaries in how I was to act around other girls and would touch them. It’s somewhat funny, as the anointing of God increases on a person so does the power of the love the person shows to others. And sometimes that powerful love can be interpreted the wrong way. For example: the worship leader looking across the audience as he worships God with all his heart… and the girl his eyes happen to pass over (albeit unfocused) interprets his passion as love for her. Foolishness, yes, but it happens. And thankfully those two church sisters helped in setting such girls straight. This was huge not just for me, but for others as well. And if I ever made a mistake and unknowingly crossed a line, they would let me know so I could make things straight. And I appreciated their accountability so much!
I soon found myself more free than I had ever been when I was young and careless. This freedom wasn’t reckless like before, but it was a freedom within boundaries. I knew I was safe to show love and act without restraint as much as I wanted as long as I didn’t cross those lines. Rather than feeling suffocated I felt relief. I knew if anyone took something the wrong way it was obviously their error and not mine, and I could trust that my two friends would set the person straight. I no longer had to feel like I had to be cold and distant. I could be a gentleman without fear.
So often people want to be free not just in their relations with friends, but in their relationship with God and in their life in general. They want to try and do everything. But God knows the dangers of crossing different lines and He sets up boundaries for every season of life. These boundaries aren’t meant to suffocate, but rather to release freedom and peace. We aren’t meant to cross those boundaries. We aren’t expected to go outside them. We’re expected to rest within them. And as we are faithful, He opens up more and more doors for us. And we can trust that with every open door He gives us that we are ready and don’t need to fear a thing as we are led to step out more.
Boundaries are a blessing!
Psalm 16:6 – The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
P.S. I remember when Sky and I first began dating we kept it a secret from most people for a month, just so that there wouldn’t be any pressure right away on our relationship. And I remember during that time a church brother walking up to Sky who was sitting beside me and giving her a shoulder rub, without her asking (he is a touchy guy, like I used to be). Sky just received it, since that guy had a reputation for being touchy but “harmless.” I on the other hand wanted to rip his arms off. =) For guys the best boundary with friends of the opposite sex is to treat them as if their husband is there. This removes all foolishness of guys staying the night at girls apartments (even if the guys are sleeping in the living room away from the girls) and such touching/massaging/awkwardness that can send wrong signals. Oh the foolishness of youth. =)
