Choosing Family or Ministry/Work…..
Back in the 1960′s South Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world and was still recovering from their own civil war, which had just followed World War 2 and Japanese occupation. And within 50 years, South Korea has become one of the top economies in the world, nearly cracking the top 10. A great reason for the advancement was the sacrifices made by the older generation in terms of effort and work. Just like the Japanese post-WWII, the Koreans worked tirelessly to not only rebuild their nation but to establish it as one of the best in the world.
At the exact same time, both South Korea and Japan have glaring weaknesses in terms of relationships, marriages, and children. The marriage rate and birth rate in both countries are extremely low. Abortion for both is extremely high. The suicide rate is extremely high. Alcohol and sex trafficking are both extremely high. The family unit has become extremely weak. Most children study all day and are rarely with their parents. Even husbands and wives, on average, don’t communicate much and usually work most of the day. Homes are viewed simply as places of rest, not as places for family and for love. This is not for every South Korean or Japanese family, but the statistics of the whole for both nations don’t lie.
So the question is… were all the sacrifices to make Korea and Japan what they are now worth it?
The same correlation can be made between ministry and family. Many churches will say, “God first, then family, and then ministry.” But not all churches follow this. They say “Family before ministry,” but then they will also say, “But there are times for sacrifice for ministry, which the family understands.” And then they will say this repeatedly, making it clear that in the end they feel ministry is more important. Some of these churches are big movers… with tons of ministries and tons of growth with tons of sacrifice. But in the end, despite many of these churches/ministries mushrooming, the staff/workers seem burned out and bitter, and many of these churches crumble because of an affair or a split within the leadership. While the growth was amazing, the foundation was clearly weak. The sacrifice of family, God’s first institution, made it clear that the work was more important than the individuals (particularly the children). It’s debatable whether any church/ministry/nation can hold up under that value.
Does this mean that we are to avoid any ministry that might in any way conflict with our family being our priority? I think healthy boundaries need to be formed that shouldn’t be crossed. And if travel is required for a family member, there should be an expectation of extra time together when that family member returns home. The danger as Christians is to go too far one way or the other… to completely abandon family for ministry or to completely abandon ministry for family. Boundaries are so good (which I blogged in recent entries) and I strongly side with family as a higher priority, so if it seems like a gray area it is usually best to choose family.
Singles, as the apostle Paul wrote about in 1Corinthians, have an advantage in that they don’t have family as a priority (unless they have an unhealthy soul tie with their parents… ^^). They can work hard and make crazy sacrifices, like Paul did. But what must be understood is that Paul had the gift of celibacy (1Corinthians 7:7), and most Christians do not have this gift. In fact, many of the apostles (Jesus’ disciples) had family and stayed in Jerusalem, like the apostle Peter. Once married, it’s a whole different ballgame in terms of where we can set our free time/ministry time. A person who spends all his free time playing video games would of course need to make sacrifices from his games to be a good spouse. And shouldn’t it be the same for a person who spends all his free time doing ministry? Does God shake His head at someone neglecting his spouse and kids for games but then nod approvingly for someone who neglects his spouse and kids for ministry?
Everything shared is debatable, and there are exceptions for everything as well… but in the end, I honestly believe God wouldn’t have instituted family first in the Bible if He didn’t view it as most important after Him.
God bless!
By the way, this all has nothing to do with my own church. I was reflecting more on Korea/Japan and upon other friends/acquaintances’ experiences in ministry before I blogged all this. Just wanted to make that clear. =)
