Stop Being So Defensive                                                                                                               

Nobody learns from someone who is being defensive.  It’s impossible to never make mistakes in life, so what is important after making a mistake isn’t hiding it or explaining it away, but rather admitting it and learning from it. 

The sad thing is that in many societies there is fear of rejection or shame from failure, so people are taught out of fear to hide their problems or explain them away.  But Scripture says that there is “no fear in love” (1John 4:18).  A truly secure person would know that the love they receive is not based on their works, because if it was then it wouldn’t be love at all.  True love is unconditional.  So even after mistakes, the truly secure person would not have any fear of losing the love they had before the mistakes.  Love is constant… it never fails (1Corinthians 13:8). 

When my kids mess up the last thing I want to hear is their 100 excuses for why they messed up.  What I really want to hear is, “I did this and I am sorry.  I realize now it was wrong and I won’t do it again.”  When they genuinely respond in this way (and I’ve had to teach them and train them in it) I am really blessed.  Their response shows me that not only have they learned what they did was wrong and they don’t want to repeat it, but also that they are secure enough in my love to admit their wrongs.  They no longer fear shame or rejection because of their mistakes. 

So many adults need this lesson too though.  Defensiveness is rooted in fear and pride and needs to be done away with.  A truly secure person isn’t afraid of mistakes.  And the most successful people are those who choose to never slow down from their mistakes but rather to learn from them and become better and better at what they do. 

God bless!

Overcoming Addiction

Over the years I have counseled so many different people that have struggled with addictions, particularly regarding their purity.  Addiction makes you feel like a slave to what you can’t stop doing.  It can also make you feel like an animal, living for your urges and unable to think rationally about them.  And Satan loves to lie to people under addiction by telling them they are too dirty/unclean to approach God, and that they must overcome their addictions on their own first before they can return to the Lord.  That lie contradicts the Gospel completely.  It was BECAUSE OF our sinful nature that God came to us.  We can NEVER approach Him apart from acknowledging His grace. 

Here are some simple steps for overcoming addictions…

1.  The first step is to confess your addiction to someone with spiritual maturity and anointing (small group leader, pastor, someone not weak in their faith).  James 5:16 says if we confess our sins to each other and pray for each other that we will be healed.  Confession is powerful!

2.  Whoever you are confessing to MUST see you for the future and not for present or the past.  In the past you were a sinful person, lost apart from God.  In the present you are struggling with sin and feel addicted.  But the truth is you are an eternal being and 1Peter 2:9 says you have been called out of darkness and into God’s marvelous light.  God doesn’t see you for your past or present, He sees you for your future… who you are in heaven and who you truly were made to be.  Jesus called His disciples “clean” in John 15:3, despite knowing Peter would betray Him that night and that they would all abandon Him.  Jesus called them clean because He saw them through faith, knowing they were on the right path.  Your future is your true identity, and the person you confess to must see you in this way (the eyes of faith). 

3.  Whoever you have confessed to should become your accountability partner (if they are willing) and be God’s audible voice to you along the way.  The Bible is clear that if you read it and know it that it will set you free (John 8:32, John 8:36, Psalm 119:9, Psalm 119:11, Psalm 119:105).  To not only read the Bible but to have someone with spiritual authority declaring the truth in the Bible over you will bring extra strength and power.  Your accountability partner must know how to yield the Word of God like a sword and bring conviction through Scripture whenever you begin to falter (there are clear verses about every sin/addiction, with 1Corinthians 6:12 being the most obvious about addictions in general).  If there are any false identities you are carrying (“addict,” “dirty,” “failure”) then you need to renounce them in front of your accountability partner and claim your true identity in Christ.  Your partner should then follow you in prayer and declare the truth again, coming in agreement with what you prayed.  An example of your prayers can be, “I renounce that I am an addict, I declare that I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Romans 8:28).  I renounce that I am dirty, I declare I am pure by the blood of Jesus (Isaiah 1:18).  I renounce that I am a failure, I declare I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  Your identity in Christ is critical.  Any false identity must be renounced and the Truth must be put in its place. 

4.  Find some people who have already overcome your addiction and listen to their testimonies.  Testimonies release faith in the atmosphere!  The worst thing you can do when addicted to something is find other people who are also addicted and have a pity party together.  That only releases doubt, fear, and depression.  Finding people who have overcome is what releases hope, strength, and vision.  Eccelesiastes 1:9 says there is nothing new under the sun.  What has been done will done again.  There is no addiction that is new, not even the strange ones.  If you’re having trouble finding people who have overcome the same addictions, tune in to New Philadephia Church in Seoul, Korea (www.newphilly.cc).  Various core leaders/pastors of the church have struggled with drug addictions, alcohol/cigarette addictions, sex addictions, abortion, rape, abuse, eating disorders… you name it, there are plenty of leaders who have been in the sin/trauma and have been healed and delivered and are walking in true freedom.  God is good!!!

5.  Set goals and keep accountable.  Sometimes short term goals can help estabish momentum for the future.  In the past I’ve led accountability groups with a challenge that if a guy gives in to impurity during the week then he will fast for one day.  This can help create momentum, because as a person is able to overcome something for longer and longer the power of the addiction fades.  While goals can help, in the end you have to know that God is better and that life without the addiction is better than life with the addiction.  As this truth consumes you there is true victory. 

If you mess up don’t throw a pity party.  Confess your sin, repent, and move on.  If a lie lingers on you, renounce it and declare the truth, with your accountability member/spiritual authority also coming in agreement with the truth.  God has no desire for you to dwell on your mistakes.  He would much rather you be running into His marvelous light and enjoying His amazing love. 

Psalm 34:8 – Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

Psalm 63:3 – Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

God bless!

The Favor to Get Stoned and the Blessing to Be Crucified

In a lot of Christian circles there is talk that we have the favor of God upon us and that because we are the light of the world we should be bringing a shift in the atmostphere wherever we are.  My heart resonates with these words because they are very much true Scripturally.  If you are a Christian and you don’t believe you are the light of the world and that the Spirit of God is upon you, then I imagine you have a very hopeless outlook on the world and your purpose in life.  The problem is, though, when we place the expectation of change on ourselves rather than on God working through us. 

Paul was one of the most anointed followers of God in the history of Christianity.  He brought changes in cities and countries all throughout Southern Europe and West Asia.  He indeed was blessed, changed atmospheres, and had the favor of God to speak before many kings and governors.  But at the same time Paul was stoned, was whipped many times, and was imprisoned many times.  Despite all the favor and blessing and light upon him, many people still hated him and mistreated him. 

Many Christians have found themselves working for a difficult boss or having a difficult relative who just won’t seem to change or respond in any positive way.  Sometimes doubt can creep in for such people that maybe their prayers aren’t that powerful or maybe they just don’t have the favor of God on their lives, like the other “prosperous” Christians they see.  The irony though, is that the most favored man of all, Jesus, was hated by many who never changed despite His preaching and His works and who eventually crucified Him.  I realize that might not be too encouraging for those of you who are continuing to pray for those difficult people in your lives, but what I want to point out is that Jesus was resurrected and overcame all their attacks against Him.  Nothing they did was able to stop Him. 

Don’t be discouraged if you are in an environment that is difficult.  It was the Spirit of God that led Jesus to Jerusalem to be crucified.  It was the Spirit of God that led Paul to cities where he was imprisoned and mistreated.  As long as you are walking with the Spirit you can trust that despite any struggle or difficulty, the Lord is working all things for your good and will bless you.  His Spirit will never leave you.  Even in the toughest places, you are indeed being a light and changing the atmosphere, whether you can tangibly see it or not.  Continue to pray for those difficult people in your life, but know that in the end God is the author and the perfector and their salvation is His responsibility.  If His Spirit leads you elsewhere, entrust them to the Lord and continue on.  God’s favor is with you!

God bless!

Tyranny of the Urgent…

Is a great mini book about stewarding time (by Charles Hummel).  Here is an excerpt from the book…

“For me hardware stores have a strong attraction.  I am fascinated by the variety of tools and gadgets.  Suppose that today I need a new electric drill for an important home project and remember a special cash-and-carry price of $17.90.  I put $20 in my wallet and head for the hardware store.  But just inside the door I spot a set of five unusual screwdrivers on sale for $3.95 and purchase them.  Several counters farther on a new kind of wrench catches my eye, and I spend another $6.90.  When at last I reach the electric drills, I discover that I no longer have enough money to buy what I came for.

If I had the honesty to return home and tell the family my sad story, how much sympathy would I get?  What would they think of my excuse ‘I didn’t have enough money for the drill’?  At the moment the screwdrivers and wrench seemed important, but in the end they robbed me of the drill I really needed. 

Many of us who resist spending our money this way are not equally careful with our time.  We spend hours on the impulse of an unexpected opportunity or demand.  Then we complain that our time flies away, leaving some important tasks unfinished.  What is the remedy?”…

He then leaves four steps and explains them in detail, but I’m going to briefly summarize them here…

1.  Decide What’s Important:  When I say, “I don’t have time for this project,” I really mean, “I don’t consider it as important as something else I want or need to do.”  The first step is to decide what activities are most important so that we can plan and give them the most priority.  We should take time to write down a goal for each important activity, and estimate the time it will take during the next several months.  But do not make a schedule yet…

2.  Discover Where Your Time Goes:  Before you can effectively budget your money, you first need to know how much money you have and where you have been spending it.  So it is with time.  It is critical before scheduling changes to first take a time inventory of your life.  For one week make a chart for each half hour of the day and list how you spent the time, “At work, sleep, eating, leisure, time with God, etc.”  At the end of the week count the hours spent in each activity and compare the totals with the list of priorities you made in the first step.  And brace yourself for shock.  There is a strong tendency to neglect the important tasks that do not have to be done today–or even this week.

3.  Budget the Hours:  The author writes strongly about our need to not make sudden changes in our time schedule, but to first plan only a few changes as they become possible for you (suddenly turning a cruise ship 90 degrees will cause it to fall apart).  Consider one high priority being implemented… and once it is set in your schedule and become routine, then consider adding another. 

4.  Follow Through:  Often times as we seek to follow through, sudden “urgent” matters will come up (phone call from someone in need, an e-mail that catches your eye that you feel you need to respond to, an invitation to a party or gathering that seems important).  It’s important not to respond to these things right away.  As you withstand the urgency of the moment, you can weigh the cost and discern whether the task is God’s will for you. 

This blessed me!  Hope it blessed you as well.  =)