The M Word and Sex Education…
Today I was reading some articles about how different red light districts in Seoul are being shutdown (praise God!). Among the articles included a stat that approximately 80% of teenagers involved in the sex trade were runaways. Anther article mentioned that about 72% of Koreans receive sex education. And from what I hear, it is minimal.
Last year I was asked by my home to teach sex education to the junior high boys, in Korean. The dorm dad in charge was at a loss for what to teach. I knew that the things the kids really needed to hear… far more than their biology, how babies are born, and STD’s (which most sex ed classes focus on)… were about the consequences of masturbation, pornography, and sex before marriage… and how to overcome such things and live pure, with self control. Who teaches about those things? My boys were all at full attention (which is rare^^) as I taught and they all said they had never learned about what I had taught them before. Not from church, not from school, not from anyone.
Masturbation. People freak out over the word. I have led countless healing and deliverance sessions where the person is the most ashamed of having a past of masturbation… despite having all sorts of occultic sin, other sexual sins, unforgiveness, drugs, anger issues, etc. People get SO ASHAMED over it, despite most of them discovering it innocently when they were young. They all think that they were the only in the world struggling with it. But did you know that statistics show that 100% of boys will have masturbated before graduating high school? 100%. I don’t have the stat for girls, but statistics show that 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time (other statistics show higher). I have only led a small handful of healing/deliverance sessions with females who have never masturbated. And that out of a TON of sessions! And yet for nearly every person (particularly women) there is DEEP DEEP shame.
Here are my two cents on the subject… masturbation is not inherently evil, but is a gateway to lust and sexual addiction just as alcohol is a gateway to substance abuse and yoga is a gateway to the occult. Are masturbation, alcohol, or yoga sin? No. But they can easily lead to sin… especially masturbation (yoga will require another blog posting^^). Here are consequences that are pretty hard to avoid with masturbation…
1) Lustful thoughts (Matthew 5:28)
2) Addiction (1Corinthians 6:12)
3) Shame/insecurity
4) Selfishness (another word for masturbation is “self love.” masturbation in marriage, particularly when done in secret, has been known to destroy intimacy)
If you can avoid those things, then it isn’t a sin in my eyes. BUT, it is pretty hard to avoid those things (like playing with fire and not expecting to get burned), so it is better to not do it. Sadly because of #3 so many people are unable to confess their struggles and find help, leaving them stuck suffering under #2 and being inflicted with #1. Left alone, all self control is broken down and the weight of shame and fear of others discovering only increases. These consequences are the same for pornography (which is an outright sin, see #1 above).
Here are some Scripture to chew on: Psalm 119:9, 11, 105. James 5:16. Colossians 3:2-10 (emphasis on identity). 1Corinthians 10:13. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
First of all, put away shame. There is no need for it. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Ecclesiastes 1:9 says there is nothing new under the sun. Quit listening to the lie that you are the only person in the world to struggle with it or have struggled with it. And also put away the lie that because you started at a young age that makes you extra bad. That is such a lie. I have counseled so many who started masturbating at ages 5 – 10. Is such a young child twisted? Of course not. It is the enemy trying to take advantage at a young age and often a consequence of lack of covering (parenting), generational curse (lust), or from abuse. I don’t care if a person stole something at age 10, 20, or 80. I just want the sin repented of, the consequences dealt with, and healing/restoration. Same for any other sin, including sexual sin.
Next, find someone solid spiritually whom you trust and confess your sin to God before him/her and seek accountability. Once darkness is brought to light it is really hard for it to stick around or to hide. Meditate on the Word of God, continue to taste and see the Lord is good, and gradually the addiction will subside. James 4:7 is clear: “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Just as I have counseled so many people with sexual addictions, I have also seen so many of them then walk in complete freedom and purity. God came that we might have life and have it to the full (John 10:10).
Parents need to teach about these subjects at a young age, emphasizing the rewards and joy of a life lived purely. I was taught in 6th grade by my Bible teacher at a Christian school (during sex ed) that masturbation is perfectly acceptable and there is nothing wrong with it. Wow did that mess us up. My dad spoke to me later on the subject and gave me better truth, but it was already too late and it took me time to overcome it. Most religious people avoid topics about sex and just label everything “dirty” and of the heathens. This creates ridiculous amounts of shame for the youth and causes them to hide their struggles and fall deeper into them. But as I wrote before, 100% of boys struggle with it, and a huge percent of girls as well, particularly at a young age. They need to learn the truth. They need to know there is freedom. They need to know there is something better. They need to know they are loved no matter what. They need to know there is no condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1).
What if you have a lustful dream? What if you mess up? You confess your sin on the spot and repent of it. You renounce lust and declare your true identity (A son of God, made in His image, forgiven and free, washed clean, His temple). Brush it off and move on. God doesn’t dwell on our past sins, so why should you? Later in the day confess your struggle with your accountability partner and keep honest about it. And keep running the race, keep looking to the Lord.
1Corinthians 6:19-20 – Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
God bless!
